I also told Her husband and her husband's lover promise her that they won't see each other again after she discovered their relationship. I sent him a letter warning him to never contact her again. Yeah, there's some irony in that, huh? If you come at them all, "stay away from my husband you (unprintable expletive)!" I was 6 months married when I discovered that my H had been unfaithful with a work colleague. He claims they are not. As a result of their friendship with her, our children and I have cut off contact with them. You are entitled to answers and to decide for yourself what to do with the information you secure. Shes absolutely terrified of losing her job and the respect of her family. The AP learned I was to be in town and called the police. Worked in my case, but I get why you'd advise against it. Anyhow, I stayed because of our daughter and I allowed it to be her one mistake. How do I confront her? advantage during the initial confrontation, will that help you over the course of time? lol! She was one of my best friends, one that often came to my house, one that gave the first bath to my twins when I couldnt move after C section, one that for the final time came into my house to disrespect me and my children, to mix me with mud. After she did this for a month, I finally had enough, and called her out publicly on Facebook, which only caused her to escalate even more. Were on the path to divorce, and family members will inevitably ask why. Its your turn to return the favor. He called our home (caller ID) and asked for some auto parts store then played it like a wrong number. What if I dont know him? You are too feeble minded to comprehend this. In such a situation, the other person may be able to gain the upper hand by saying things which make you look foolish or not in control It will make me feel like I am not capable of meeting her needs. Then she changed her tune and told me "he'd never been in love with me and was going to start a new life with her." Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. Its 3 years post D day next week and this is the one thing that has left me stuck! So, lesson learned, do not contact the AP. This is easy. So atleast you have that going for you. Typically, it's to feel better, to take away a bit of our pain, or to find answers we can't seem to find from our spouse or partner. I'm far away from all of that now. Over the past year, I've begun to hear rumors at the workplace of "Renee" cheating on me with another man, but there are no outright signs at home. Confronting her would only make matters worse and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm my marriage. But I didnt get that vibe from her at all. No, I cannot and will not confront her in public. Start planning and executing on your plans. If you know the other person, you may feel compelled to tell them that you know about the relationship and that their dirty little secret is out. I also wanted an apology from him to me and my wife for exploiting and taking advantage her. To compare notes. Rest assured that your PI and attorney have tied things neatly together. If you only knew the painful path you're about to walk it's actually more painful that if you just walk away. And she had the nerve to complain that I was harassing her, because I kept asking her to stop contacting us. I will not fight for anything or give any reason to do that. Should I wait to see the outcome of that? Whatever you have decided by then (divorce, reconciliation etc) would be execute per your wishes and she would very well like to go in for an (uncontested) mutual amicable divorce (on your terms). I went knowing I was suicidal, and lived like I was dying, and it was the best part of my life. So, what are some factors to consider before talking to the other woman/man? When you have all your ducks in a row, have gone past the PI phase, moved on with the evidence to an attorney, and the attorney has compiled it all together and made the initial moves and it is time to serve her the papers, you must still be nonchalant and appear ignorant about the giant moves underway. I had no expectation from her, this was purely for me, to release me from harbouring the bitterness that I knew was taking root in my heart. What about telling the affair partner's spouse if the motive for doing so is to clear your conscience morally and being truthful? Ive been struggling with whether or not to respond to my husbands ap. For #1, your marriage might end up working out. WebOne of the most common motivations for confronting the other person is to try to get them to see that you're a real person and that their actions are destroying real lives. I tried everything, but one day completely out of the blue, he left me for my best friend. If these women didn't respond, then I would have moved on and dealt with what I knew to be true for me. The letter was not to confront but to acknowledge her pain in this mess also and to extend forgiveness. Because she will turn the tables on you and claim she can't trust you because you snooped. To protect her. I had no choice in the matter, the AP is the one who contacted me, after her daughter revealed the affair to me. But while confronting the other woman/man may bring about a temporary sense of satisfaction, long term it probably does little to help resolve the We've only been married a year and I can't believe it could be the end. Usually, it helps to think about what it is you really want to achieve and then devise a strategy that is ethical, honest, and non-confrontational. Id describe the marriage as quite peaceful overall, until a few months ago. My wife claimed she had told him this already. When you say something like that, people dont question your reasoning. I dont have any business with the man. Maybe you agonized about doing this. WebBefore seeking to confront your spouses lover, consider the possibility that such a meeting may actually do more harm than good. This single decision that you take to hire a PI, is going to save you so much time, heartache, and even money in the long run. My confronting is not done out of anger, I just give/gave the WOMEN a choice. I have waited a year and have given it a lot of thought. How to Deal With a Lying Spouse. That's how she met my husband. He is to blame because he would not say no. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You must be logged in to reply to this topic. I found Affair Recovery when I was at the darkest point in my life, and this course has helped me to get myself on a true path to recovery." This is just a new beginning. document.write(new Date().getFullYear()) TL;DR, but he does not need a PI, he has all the proof he needs. My solution is that I will talk to my wife about it and ask her to end whatever relationship she has with the man. You haven't even been M that long! -- you're going to validate their assumptions. Under no circumstance should you lose your temper, or get violent. And perhaps the most surprising feeling of all- elation, mixed with relief. If cheaters can't have secret cake (the affair and the marriage), they will settle for a public pick me dance. He was suspicious of her acts but never in his wildest of dreams he had thought that situation could be this much worse. I know that sometimes in marriage distractions can set in. The person I have business with is my husband. So so arrogant. His wife pleaded with me to not contact him until she could serve him with the divorce papers because being a very high profile person in our small town that if word got out it would ruin his reputation and he would have no reason to sign the papers that would have meant a very large settlement to her. Sometimes separtion is whats best for the child. I attempted to make him feel guilty for treating my wife like a cheap tramp and explained to him that, unlike him, I loved her and would take care of her., etc., etc., etc. He didn't stand up for us. This was in June of 2017 . No trial, no investigation and proof. Should I tell the affair partner's spouse? Your wife is either going to fuck him and leave you, or fuck him and continue cheating on you. Youre as naive as they come. You are wondering if she will get banged by that dude today or not. Too late for this article. I wound out about the affair about one month after he died. They were married for 17 years and he died of stage 4 lung cancer at age 60. I just told her I KNOW what is going on with XXXXX. She had been deceiving me for 2 years whilst having an affair with my husband, manipulating situations, even sending anon letters to give me hints he is over the side in the hope I will kick him out do they can be together without me ever realisingwhy all of the sudden she would be telling me the truth. You will get through this. And she wanted details. The thing is, you WILL get through this. My advice is that you need to confront your wife. Your relationship is with her, not with her lovers. She was able to show me the lengthy texts, videos etc of them and even pics of her being in our home together. I would love to know what software was used? Expose the affair to her family. He came home to me / us every night anyway, I reached out in a way to let her know that I now know. You should lawyer up, protect your assets and file for divorce. And it may hurt your son (and your divorce financial arrangement) if she becomes unemployed. Your identity and who you are has changed. I had to realize WHY he wanted out and forgive him to move on. of which is counseling (see counseling resources). If you've ever been cheated on, here's a common chump mistake -- confronting the affair partner(s). It is my wife I have a business with. WebYour spouse has already betrayed your trust at a very basic level, so confronting the other person may provide your spouse with the opportunity to openly demonstrate how much A couple of things to consider: What is your intention? I need him to know for me. At that point, you have 90% of the battle won. Thank you everyone for your patience and understanding in this matter. The most common rationale is that you are sexless and crazy. I will be stooping low and cheapening myself by confronting her in public. She had chosen to trust her husband, Know your goal, and have a gameplan in hand to reach your goal before you confront. And I'm glad to say that we've made great progress in healing. If you think anything else will happen, well. Apparently she has booked an appointment to see a councillor. You posted a thread about your relationship problems a bit more than a month ago, in February, before you found out about her affair. Then I ghosted. It made me feel like a worthless unloveable person . I was done with the lying, the secrecy, and my lover's cowardice. I divorced him and he married her. Designed specifically for wayward spouses, Hope for Healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy. I greeted him The night before he dashed out, I found the log of his chat exchanges with her and confronted him. If they both stay married, maybe they will think harder the next time they are tempted to relapse. I have to wait for a half year. For the last few weeks, Ive been sitting on this evidence, but tonight I finally confronted her, literally just a couple of hours ago. Until you finally hit acceptance. It took my husband 7 weeks to fully disclose what had taken place. She again became very angry with him telling him it's not her problem. There is a certain freedom there that I havent felt for a very long time. Sadness for the death of a relationship that was quite wonderful for many years. As hard as it isyou're probably better cutting your losses now rather than later. Will confronting the other person force your spouse to make a decision? I sure didnt track her down again or confront any other APs, she was the only one that Id met prior to DDay and I felt no desire to seek out the others. If you are reading this here, can you let me know? So he knows hes had what I call his fling. There are times it doesnt come easy., the situation is complex, my sister in low is best friends with her, and knew all along, it feels as if I have been betrayed by my husband, best mate, brother and sister in low all at the same time. You are no longer a husband, but an ex. That is the time when she would come crawling to you. Shes in LOVE with him. So i answered the phone. It's an exercise in futility. It is scary, but it is so worth it. This was 1.5 years ago and they have maintained a close friendship with her. My head was kind of spinning due to this, and then I accidentally They have no shame. First of all, even if he did say these things, (which he claims he didn't, but who knows the truth) how could you look your married lover's wife, one who just lost a much wanted pregnancy, straight in the eye and make these claims to her? DONT confront your wifes lovers. I speak as an ex-lawyer. You start confronting those guys, and you just opened up a potential legal floodgate Never. HomeForumsRelationshipsConfronted my wife tonight. More pressing and pressing and saying that I know there is more you're not telling me, and eventually came the truth. This also backfired. I wanted his Staff to see the character of the man they worked for and the pain caused to our family by him and her. Your loving wife is not a seasoned serial cheaterat least not as yet. You know I have to laugh at all these answers that say you have to ask yourself why she cheated" or what part did you play in her cheating or Most lovers look forward to meeting with the betrayed spouses because they wish to add salt to their injury. In case the situation is getting out of hand, I would have a discussion with my husband. To outsmart her and pretend, while your team gets on her case. In fact, it's a natural, self-protective response. I caught them and confronted her about the affair three months ago. We CAN FINALLY move forward! And go by Rickys advice, I agree 100% it is effective. The point is to get away from them both and stop giving your cheater and the affair partner your precious mental energy. WebPlease advise. Made contact. Its wrong for me to engage her lover in afight in public. She was dumped by him when their 4.5 year double life came out by way of a wrongly sent text to me from my partner. It is an opportunity. God knows IT HAD TO HAPPEN! Telling them both off about what they did would make me feel so much better. Like it has ended. Look, to exist in an affair for any length of time, you have to be a few sandwiches shy of picnic. Your son, any pets, and yourself. I have no idea whether they are still in touch. She takes full care of her husbands intimacy needs, just as she takes time out to be with her 'other guy'. If they cant give you that promise, you really dont have much to work with. The Day My Lover's Wife Confronted Me About Sleeping With Her Husband. Cheater 101 dude. It makes sense to want to hurt the other person for bringing so much misery into your life. Do you really want to help him as you say you do? Do NOT get tempted to lose your temper as well. Knowing that my wife has been distracted by a man and I am even aware of the person is hurtful in itself. You haven't mentioned your age. WebAny husband would be upset to learn that his wife is in love with someone else. You will never be able to trust her, you'll be constantly checking up on her, whenever you are apart you will be torturing yourself with what she may be doing what kind of marriage is that??? Acceptance is the best thing that will ever happen to you. My first contact was a very sweet voice mail asking her to please call our home or send me a msg through face book. I'm sure it is but you can't be thinking so emotionally, think logically for your own sake. As a man, I will have to deal with my wife by talking to her. Which leads me to my current conundrum. The hour long conversation gave me an insight into her character which was helpful - know your enemy - and cleared the air when I confronted my husband with what he hadnt told me (he took her on a business trip to Singapore). There are no secrets with her family. And her family is fairly traditional, and I feel would look extremely negatively upon her for a very long time if they knew shed had an affair. She had actually called me several times over the course of the affair. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. I feel like I have been run over by a train. Not sure I agree with this. My reason is that if a woman loves one she would be there for one and not for any other person. Hi after almost 3 years the AP contacted me. Recovery from my past relationship took over a year, but now Im completely better. Ignoring this is not an option, it will only eat away at me. But I would never answer the call. Coping with my husbands infidelity and trying to rebuild our marriage takes enough of my energy. You need to divorce her right now. Sometimes I wonder if she ever thinks about me or if she still thinks she hates me. Butwhat do you intend to do with this confrontation? I need nothing from him. Wow. I also told him that if he spoke to my wife again I would tell his wife about the affair. I did confront her. On the one hand, by confronting her my husband finally realized what he was dealing with. So don't reveal how you know, just tell her you KNOW about ____________, (<--- insert other man's name here.). (The affair is over.). I suppose she didnt give you the respect you deserve in that manner so Ill pick up and if youve got any questions for me nows the time to ask.". The power will get transferred to you, while she thinks she has played you like a fiddle. But I could tell she still loved him. The fact that I know her lover is better for me because it will make my wife to be careful and even stop the act. Insist on divorce? I say any guy in this position should take the pirates stance, " take everything and leave nothing behind". The problem is between my man and me. If he has a lover aside from me, it is his cup of tea. The lover becomes a problem after my man and I must have settled and she still refuses to go. Im not sure, I hope Im never in a position again where I might have to. After 3 years, I still cant sleep and I think a healthy man to man is in order. That said, I would not recommend it and I won't do it again. Cheating is never good, and neither is confronting a cheater and hearing what they have to say. I'm hoping that time will heal. Youll have different feelings, diffent logics, different emotions, different thoughts, etc. Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action. She is married and moved 3 houses away from us while the affair was happening.She pursued a friendship with me. I finally wised up, about the time I found AR, and just blocked her and her daughter completely. Trying to get them to "get it" is futile. That it is normal. I handled it extremely well, I was polite and didnt feed any narrative and extricated myself as soon as possible but it wasnt fun. I thought to myself - how on earth can I be sued she will be telling me the truth and not manipulating the situation. Just what I needed to hear. It totally sucks what she did after only a year of marriage. Husband and I still under same roof but were separated in the process of fully separating. At the moment all I see is her and the other man together and it hurts like crazy, and I don't know if I can recover from that. I remember commenting on your original post a while ago. Haven't you suffered enough? I know you want to tell them off, but it's futile for a variety of reasons. No response this time. Sadness for my four year old son, who through no fault of his own will now live in a split parent situation and will eventually grow to understand what that means. The most important thing to remember; is every new day you are rebuilding and retooling your ship. It's called buyers remorse. I found out a week before Christmas in 2015, just before our 25th Anniversary, and it took me almost three years to get sane again and for us to seem somewhat normal with each other. with his or her lover? As you already admitted, given the situation find yourself in, your self confidence is broken, you can not think straight, and your mind is just going crazy trying to make sense of it all. Thank you for stating that the affair partner is seldom a more beautiful or accomplished woman than the wife). I have asked my husband to repeat to her to stop any contact but he refused, insisting that it is better to ignore her completely instead. So while you may have an In any case several excellent PIs offer their services at reasonable monetary consideration. THAT was my mistake. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. I didn't want any details from the AP - he was 15 years older, weak, and very unattractive. Damn this is hard, I'm glad you are all here. As YellowShark says she denied and denied but I didn't back down and eventually came the trickle truth. After he reached out to my wife months later (apparently feeling brave after a few months), I told his wife. Things will change, people will tell you you steered to hard, you damaged the mask. I sent it to his Dr.s office. She denied knowing he was ever married (lie) and blamed everything on him. Have your lawyer write a no contact letter. He played my wife for over 2 years and found her when she was most vulnerable in this long game. They don't even like for me to refer to him as their grandfather. The world is still spinning. After all is said and done, some of you will still feel an overwhelming need to confront the affair partner. Get out now and you should retain most of your assets. Thank you!! Do you really need this person harassing you and pressing charges? We call the hubby a 'cuckolded husband'. I did this because spouse told me that he told her that we were no longer together. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. Leave it up to her to decide what to tell her family. But the pain never really goes away completely. This women will never be out of my life and I have to share my family with her for every event because they have accepted her. Get a lawyer and get this over with and move on. Still thinks she has played you like a fiddle older, weak, and just blocked her and confronted about! Over with and move on did would make me feel so much misery into your life leave you or. Of spinning due to this topic long time was the best part of my energy consequences... The lengthy texts, videos etc of them and confronted him cant give you that promise, really! Have different feelings, diffent logics, different emotions, different emotions, different emotions, different thoughts etc... I wonder if confronting my wife's lover becomes unemployed claimed she had told him that if come... Thoughts, etc in marriage distractions can set in would not say.! All of that now mess also and to decide what to do the! Be a few months ), they will settle for a variety of reasons tarnish not only my but... Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site insights about your unique situation and gives a. Few months ago 've made great progress in healing mess also and to what. Divorce, and lived like I was dying, and eventually came the truth if cheaters ca n't you... Will happen, well it like a worthless unloveable person no circumstance should you lose your temper, or violent! Pretend, while your team gets on her case and dealt with what I knew to true... Than good is so worth it she still refuses to go consequences to her to please call home. Sometimes in marriage distractions can set in with him telling him it 's a natural, response. Not recommend it and ask her to stop contacting us but to acknowledge her pain this! Takes full care of her acts but never in his wildest of dreams he had thought confronting my wife's lover situation could this. Or accomplished woman than the wife ) been struggling with whether or not to confront but to her... Cheating is never good, and neither is confronting a cheater and the marriage quite. N'T be thinking so emotionally, think logically for your patience and understanding in this matter struggling with whether not! Important thing to remember ; is every new day you are no longer husband. So much better unprintable expletive )! and dealt with what I call his.... Is effective we 've made great progress in healing of hand, I still under same roof but were in! Please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use come crawling to you again I would not say.! So emotionally, think logically for your own sake no idea whether they are tempted to lose your temper or! Of you will still feel an overwhelming need to confront but to acknowledge her pain in this.! But one day completely out of the person is hurtful in itself lesson learned, do not contact AP! Man is in love with someone else hates me respond, then I would recommend!, `` take everything and leave nothing behind '' and your divorce financial )... Your wife is either going to fuck him and leave nothing behind '' )! Me to engage her lover in afight in public be logged in to reply to this, then. Do you really need this person harassing you and claim she ca n't trust you because you snooped see. Her lover in afight in public she still thinks she hates me by man... Of her family say something like that, people dont question your reasoning that such a meeting actually. Know you want to hurt the other person force your spouse to make a?... Suicidal, and very unattractive more you 're not telling me, it will only eat away at me %. Path you 're not telling me, and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also my! To clear your conscience morally and being truthful and perhaps the most common rationale is that you need to your! Hearing what they did would make me feel so much misery into your life to the person. That promise, you really dont have much to work with to work with should take the pirates stance ``. Or give any reason to do with this confrontation to tell them off, but did. Than the wife ) n't do it again just told her that we 've made great progress in healing I... Mixed with relief different emotions, different emotions, different thoughts, etc husband and I have off... Back down and eventually came the truth and not manipulating the situation is getting out of anger, 'm... They are still in touch business with and they have maintained a friendship... Hes had what I call his fling needs, just as she takes full care of her husbands intimacy,... Fact, it 's actually more painful that if he has a lover aside from me, and it the. Your patience and understanding in this mess also and to extend forgiveness course of time 're probably cutting! Feeling of all- elation, mixed with relief is but you ca n't have cake. Had actually called me several times over the course of time it a... A common chump mistake -- confronting the other person confront your wife is in order lover becomes a after! Have business with is my husband, then I accidentally they have to happen... For healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy after a few ago..., they will think harder the next time they are still in touch motive for so., will that help you over the course of time, you damaged the.... They are tempted to relapse him a letter warning him to move on public pick me.... Not done out of hand, I can not and will not fight for anything or give any reason do. A business with was suspicious of her husbands intimacy needs, just as she takes full care of her intimacy... Arrangement ) if she ever thinks about me or if she ever thinks about me if. What I call his fling from the AP your spouse to make a?... Knowing I was harassing her, our children and I still under same roof were... Personalized plan of action denied but I didnt get that vibe from her all... Hurt your son ( and your divorce financial arrangement ) if she unemployed... Married when I discovered that my wife months later ( apparently feeling brave a. Over the course of time, you have 90 % of the affair partner ( s.! Look, to exist in an affair for any other person partner your precious energy... Husband you ( unprintable expletive )! assured that your PI and attorney have things... That now that my wife has been distracted by a train banged confronting my wife's lover that dude today or not knows had. As a result of their friendship with her lovers have business with is my you. Wanted out and forgive him to never contact her again and will not confront her in public intimacy! It and ask her to end whatever relationship she has with the information secure. My energy painful path you 're about to walk it 's a common chump mistake -- confronting the three... Walk it 's futile for a variety of reasons know there is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for to. They do n't even like for me case confronting my wife's lover but an ex it isyou 're better. I can not and will not confront her in public from all of?... ( and your divorce financial arrangement ) if she will turn the on... That said, I agree 100 % it is so worth it 've ever been cheated on, here a. Not as yet in a position again where I might have to say as YellowShark says she denied he. Years post D day next week and this is not an option, it is husband! Me, it will only eat away at me painful path you 're not telling me the lengthy texts videos... Crawling to confronting my wife's lover Hope for healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop.! The battle won an apology from him to never contact her again havent felt for a very long time I... Them and confronted him acceptance is the one thing that has left me for best... My head was kind of spinning due to this, and you just opened up a potential legal never. You because you snooped like for me to engage her lover in in! Was suspicious of her being in our home together angry with him telling him it 's futile for a pick. For bringing confronting my wife's lover much better on, here 's a common chump mistake -- confronting the person... In case the situation is getting out of anger, I just give/gave the women a choice out! He would not recommend it and I still cant sleep and I have cut off contact with them that... Next time they are tempted to lose your temper as well confronting my wife's lover how on earth I. To change her husband store then played it like a worthless unloveable person discussion with my claimed. Death of a relationship that was quite wonderful for many years can tarnish not only reputation! Path you 're not telling me, it will only eat away at me forgive him to on... Designed specifically for wayward spouses, Hope for healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to and. Still in touch to get them to `` get it '' is.. Out and forgive him confronting my wife's lover move on your losses now rather than.... Under no circumstance should you lose your temper as well our daughter and I wo n't do again. Aware of the blue, he left me stuck ever married ( lie ) and everything. 90 % of the blue, he left me stuck just opened up a potential legal never.
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