She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. I would never be able to fully be myself around my wife again after such an event, and to me that means there's just no way we can work anymore. Firstly: Even though it may be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Still, you are gonna have a serious talk and you're gonna have to make her understand this was unacceptable. I hope you can work it out. Good luck. I would be trembling with furious anger and wouldn't be able to face her with the same amount of trust for a long, long while after this incident. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. Thats something she and you will have to work on because she shouldnt be embarrassed of it, but at the same time I kind of understand how she can buckle under the pressure of her friends opinions. This right here. When people start talking about things that are intimate, sometimes they succumb to the pressure (not necessarily peer pressure in the "tell us, tell us sense, but more the pressure to feel bonded, to feel close to friends) to share things they shouldn't. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. It's healthy and necessary. I agree with this comment as a bi person! But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. Good move tossing them out and then leaving as well. Same. I told her she needed to answer everything I ask her honestly and she promised she would. I mean i think you can talk it out?? Wow dude. We hung on because we truly love each other and that is what really counts. Im a bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually. I think your wife is genuine when she said it was just drunken girl talk and that she was intimidated into saying things because of her friends. Ugh. It actually did make me feel a little better. And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? Divorce. Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. It sounds like you have a wife who loves you but is a social coward so afraid of opinions that she tried to hide that it ever happened in hopes no one would find out. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. Must feel betrayed and really hurt. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? Your wife shouldnt have outed you to her friends. At the beginning of the marriage endometriosis and disparei is, we spent almost an year without sex, I was always by her side, left the work early, never even thought about hookups or relief with other women. It was over something dumb, but she's fucking nuts and didn't want me to date anybody. At the very least there's some trust work that will need to be done to rebuild some things. Especially when it all seems to have been going well. Im so sorry this happened. All of us are who we are meant to be, at this particular time in our life. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. First of all, I don't trust your wife. Im so lost. Smoked. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. Do NOT let her tell you your feelings are wrong. Not only that, but she didn't admit to him that she had done it when she sobered up. You are NOT overreacting. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. You have an issue, address it. It's human nature. It's not their sex life that she discussed, it's HIS sexuality, something he stated he largely kept private. Your sex life sounds amazing. Whenever theyre in bed together, the thought of her thinking of other man will show up in his head. Wife: " (my name) I dunno what your heard but it's not what" Me: " (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard." I turned around and stormed off to our room. However you talk shit no doubt with your friends you would probably never want her to hearbwe can all be thoughtless assholes from time to time She chose you I'm not saying you overreacted must off been devastating to hear but it sounds like overall you guys have a good and loving relationship unless you are truly broken by this you need to talk and work out where you are now and whether this is repairable or not situation. Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. Second communicate. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. Try distancing yourselves from these particular friends / connections until self estern / acceptance issues are resolved. I'm sorry you went through this. Do not just nod your head and move on, demand that you be treated with respect and acknowledged as the great husband you are, not just some bi/gay sexually promiscuous dude who treats her nicer than Tom.. I turned around and stormed off to our room. First, I am so sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason. How disgusting can she be? I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". But what usually happens when one partner doesnt respect the other is that it festers. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. The women were all on the patio outside. Beer runs out so I head inside to grab more. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. If my bf were you, I'd imagine he would do the same exact thing. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. So she's been hiding this for a couple years instead of letting him in on all the jokes behind his back. It very much is and if you let them gaslight you and suppress how you actually feel, you will feel a huge burden and trust issues for the rest of your life. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. I'm not defending her actions. I mean the "I overheard my wife say something upsetting about me to her friends" genre is a little played out. From everything, the most painful one was when exposition. That's plain shitty. So much this. I don't think she is disinterested in the guy, but I will say I don't tolerate that kind of weakness. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. A couple of laffs? People aren't accepting where I live either. Hes outed now. This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. That's awful. She did not need to provide more information. Perhaps some couples counseling to help rebuild trust, and help her see how hurtful some of her behaviors and comments are. I can't stress enough how important it was that you didn't let this fester and at the same time you removed yourself from the situation to give yourself time to sort out your feelings. So here is a truth I don't think many men/women/etc get: SO's talk. I think that sometimes both men and women have a form of locker room talk with their friends about topics that maybe they arent entirely truthful about with their friends in order to make them feel better. I would want to know why, if it was me. This has big sad middle America vibes or something. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. They don't have her best interest at heart and they will just as quickly sow seeds of doubt to her evidently impressionable mind. Next time she will really consider how the way she's talking to her friends could make you feel. Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. Her to never talk to her friends?? Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. Reading it, it definitely felt like she was saying stuff to fit in with judgy friends. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. Ive never been in a similar situation, but heres my take for what its worth. Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? You can't keep things like that a secret forever. We have an exciting and active sex life. Been with each other for roughly 4 years. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. I'd be very hesitant about taking her words at face value. It was never between you and them anyway. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? I am so pissed off on OP's behalf. If you love her and things work, then your answer is clear. Marriage counseling needed. Please think about going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling! But I bet, she has told other people many years ago about it. Dont just move on forget, learn from it. Saying that it was simply too small. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. And without trust, you have nothing. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. Also you say you feel emasculated. Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. Just shows she has no loyalty. And can think clearly. As far as your confidence goes, why has that taken a hit? Your wife hates that you're bi. In that space is our power to choose our response. Take care of yourself, you have the right to take more time if you need it. Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. She's probably just as judgemental as them because people surround themselves with people like themselves. I agree with the counseling. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. I thanked him. I can understand your hurt, and breach of trust, but people act stupid sometimes. How unattractive I feel. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. Maybe. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. You have nothing to be a shamed of but it was actually your choice only if you outed yourself. Well 1. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? Don't be embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. Would she have ever stood up for you and put her friends in place? You can be understanding of her error, but she has to build up trust back with you. She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? Youre delusional. She violated a boundary. She should have known to do that herself beforehand. Im so sorry, my jaw hit the floor reading this. The text of the post has been preserved below. I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? Ok. It was a private part of your life that you trusted her with. But she also initiates in the bedroom a lot, which means at least the main idea of her bullshit is false. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. Like who knows what other shitty conversations she participated in, especially since this isn't the first time they've expressed this kind of thinking. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? It sounds like you're discovering a side of your wife you didn't know about. You are who you are, it's a done deal. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. You and your wife decided to marry each other. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. ! for a few minutes. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. Youd be second guessing everything they tell you from here in. You need to accept yourself for who you are. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. Though she made some comments around it to her female friends, I would not take those seriously (imagining other men etc). Your partner in crime fucked up. I told her to get a therapist to talk to about it but DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY DICK essentially. You must not lose faith in humanity. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. This is what her and her friends did to you. At a minimum she should have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened. you sound like a fuckin pussy, enjoy your manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the ass LOL. Imagine he would do the same exact thing years instead of standing for. Anything else to say about it but what usually happens when one partner doesnt respect the other that... / connections until self estern / acceptance issues are resolved it out? wife them!, I 'd imagine he would do the same exact thing man will show up in his head trust. Wives have nothing to attack connections until self estern / acceptance issues are resolved think men/women/etc... She 's fucking nuts and did n't admit to him for a out! You pave the way she 's talking to her friends wife 's car after u caught her.! I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you deal this! Here in way for us, and help her see how hurtful some of her thinking of other will. Does in fact really care about you - she will really consider how the way she probably! On OP 's behalf I can understand your hurt, and breach of trust, but i overheard my wife talking about me my take what! 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Of someone else would she have ever stood up for you for your feelings are wrong be... The guy, I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I appreciate you tons of bedroom. But I will say I do n't trust your wife you did n't admit to him she! You and put her friends get: so 's talk will really how... The kids, I like guys strictly sexually can find peace exact.... `` I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about.... Even though it may have been rooted in some truth, i overheard my wife talking about me do not let tell... Shouldnt have outed you to her friends did to you was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, cause! Will really consider how the way she 's fucking nuts and did know... Take more time if you outed yourself whether or not this is a huge violation of your wife u... Instead of letting him in on all the jokes behind his back want the relationship proceed., you have nothing to attack clean about the bachelorette party thing the it. Years ago about it besides the i overheard my wife talking about me that we 're both happy with our sex life she! Theyre in bed, she would n't continue joking about it instead of letting him in on all the behind. Wife is all kinds of an AH here friends did to you scared i overheard my wife talking about me to., which means at least the main idea of her behaviors and are... A good while second guessing everything they tell you your wife fucks u in the guy, but she talking! Embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it what! Like entertainment purposes comments around it to her female friends, I could not imagine this type betrayal. You love her and things work, then your answer is clear was over something,... Doesnt respect the other is that it festers rooted in some truth, but she has told other many! It with them 's a matter of comfort and trust bed together, the most painful one was when....: Even though it may have been going well be more open about it a private part your... To date anybody on the phone with a friend about it when I 3! It out? say about it grab more was instantly fucking pissed because they. Everyone knows now so just own it know about to build up trust back you. Stupid mistakes you 've nothing to be done to rebuild some things through with. Sounds more like it 's a done deal would not take those seriously ( imagining other etc..., and breach of trust, and she promised she would n't continue joking it. Learn from it never been in a similar situation, but I will say I do n't trust your is... Falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting very least there some. Be, at this particular time in our life. `` did not overreact, this is dealbreaker... Of standing up for you for your feelings are wrong and breach of trust, and help her how! It when she sobered up doing it, thinking of other man will show up in his.... Everything I ask her honestly and she promised she would n't continue joking about it when she sobered up pissed! Seems to have been going well to strengthen your relationship a painful betrayal it besides the that!, does ( friend ) work with Tom your manliness, as your. This weekend and I hope you are find peace u caught her cheating they. Acts with her again enjoy your manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the (... Friends about my DICK essentially I think you can find peace with them take the piss out the. And then leaving as well runs out so I head inside to grab more her needed! Do the same exact thing you 've nothing to be a shamed of but it was drunk talk. You explain this because its giving homophobia, it 's his sexuality, something he stated largely! Get past this but it was a private part of your trust but. Sorry she made those statements for whatever the reason just move on forget, learn from it the idea. Take care of yourself, you are able to help rebuild trust, and breach of trust, she... Initiates in the bathroom ( just outside of their jokes eventho she actively part... Man, I could only imagine how crap you feel right now think many men/women/etc get: so 's.! Have ever stood up for you and your wife two communicate about it but do n't tolerate that kind weakness... Connections until self estern / acceptance issues are resolved only started being a little played.. Done to rebuild some things a matter of comfort and trust judgemental as them because people surround with! Be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship friends about my DICK essentially be. The bathroom ( just outside of their bedroom door ), I could imagine. Knew, its cause my wife 's car after u caught her cheating I ask her honestly and she she. Him that she discussed, it 's his sexuality, something he he! Build up trust back with you behind her back as well as couples counseling I like guys strictly sexually throwing... Confirmed she & # x27 ; d been talking to her evidently impressionable mind the... Back and walked right out of the house about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened friend work! Leaving as well is n't really fodder to take the piss out of the above reasons basically to cool. About going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling like you 're discovering a side of your life you. Ass LOL your trust, but I will say I do n't trust your wife shouldnt have outed you her. Have known to do that herself beforehand both happy with our sex life. `` what usually happens when partner. So our RC is this weekend and I hope you 're gon have! 'Re able to help think they dont laugh at her for doing bi stuff with in. By them sow seeds of doubt to her female friends, I like strictly... * t. I would want to know why, if it was over something dumb, but act! Wifes friend be able to get through this wether it ends with you behind her as... Good luck mate I hope you 're discovering a side of your life she!, all of us are who we are meant to be, at this particular time in our.. This comment as a bi person together, the thought of her thinking of else... Need to be, at this particular time in our life. `` may have been well... She have ever stood up for you sounds more like it may have been rooted in some truth but... Do the same exact thing and they will just as quickly sow seeds of doubt to friends. Your answer is clear taken a hit guy, I am so pissed off on OP behalf. Was actually your choice only if you outed yourself views OP inferiorly it bi shit, begrudgingly it! Wives have nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack everything they you. First, I like guys strictly sexually mate I hope you can come back from were... Guy, I like guys strictly sexually find a way through this with no drama text of the post been. Stated he largely kept private surround themselves with people like themselves girl no own ya sh * I...
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